Virgin Territory

I'm posting this movie poster for a number of reasons. (Posting this poster? Yikes. That's fine bloggin'.) One, Steve Carell is just about the funniest person alive, and this photo cracks me up. Two, The 40-Year-Old Virgin is freaking hysterical. It helps to like lowbrow comedies (like this one that's on HBO and its various offshoots eight times a day), but Virgin is smart and sweet in addition to extremely vulgar (verbally). Lastly, for whatever insane reason, the version on the left at some point morphed into the incorrectly punctuated version on the right. And that's worth a bit of mocking. Oh, and check out this interview with Carell at the Onion.

Off to Wrigley tonight, and I also went Sunday, in part to see Ryne Sandberg's jersey-retirement ceremony. There are three other retired Cubs uniforms: Ron Santo, Billy Williams and Ernie Banks. As much as I have emotional ties to those guys, it's largely because of old film clips and books; I was 4 in 1969, and these three were all retired by the time I was 12. I have vague memories of seeing them play, but Sandberg is a guy who I watched and admired from Day 1 of his Cubs career. Whenever I play on a softball team where we get jerseys, I wear his number, 23. (It's for Jordan, too, of course, but still...) The point? I got a little misty at the ceremony, OK?

It's interesting going to games these days. The Cubs are all but mathematically eliminated from playoff contention (a rarity since 2002, if you can believe it for a team with such a sorry history), so there's really no tension, no pressure -- just meaningless games in the best park in the world. You want them to win, of course, you always do -- Sunday's game was a welcome rout -- but in the end, it's just about the pure experience of watching the game and taking in the atmosphere. As much as I hate that this team went in the tank, it's almost refreshing to go to the park right now. Ask me again next year, and I likely won't be as forgiving.

Moonlight Mile

Here's a nice article about the Cubs' Adam Greenberg, who, in his first and only big-league plate appearance July 9 of this year, was beaned in the melon. He's apparently not fully recovered, and here's hoping he doesn't become this generation's Archibald "Moonlight" Graham. Moonlight, of course, was fictionalized in Field of Dreams, but the guy's story was based in fact. He played in one game in 1905 with the New York Giants; in the movie, he hits a sacrifice fly, but in real life, he didn't even get up to bat. Anyway, good luck to the kid.

That's Mr. Scrotum Bag to You

Now, I've had some bad customer-service experiences, particularly with cable/phone/Internet companies, but I've never been called "Scrotum Bag"* (from the Chicago Sun-Times' Red Streak):

Bills mailed to 'Bitch Dog,' 'Scrotum Bag'
August 18, 2005

Like most everybody, LaChania Govan got bounced around when she called her cable company to complain. She made dozens of calls and was even transferred to a person who spoke Spanish -- a language she doesn't understand.

But when she got her August bill from Comcast she had no trouble understanding she'd made somebody mad. It was addressed to ''Bitch Dog.'' ''I was like you got to be freaking kidding me,'' said Govan, 25, of her reaction when she saw the bill. ''I was so mad I couldn't even cuss.''

Govan said she talked to a supervisor about the bill and he told her he'd find out what happened and get back to her. He also offered her two months free service, which she turned down. Finally Wednesday, about two weeks after she got her bill, somebody from the company left a message on her answering machine in which the caller apologized.

Comcast officials said it shouldn't have happened and that two people involved with the name change were fired.

Peoples Energy reacted to a similar situation by firing the person immediately after customer Jeffery Barnes started getting letters addressed to ''Jeffery Scrotum Bag Barnes,'' and said he never talked with anyone from the utility company.

Barnes said he received an apologetic call from a company official. He also has contacted an attorney to determine if he can take legal action. ''This comes under the category of slander.''

*I have, however, been called variations of this by friends. Just wanted to clear that up.

Bearded, Clam Up

From the mind of Rick Rubin (courtesy of the Chicago Tribune):

"Neil Diamond is one of my all-time favorite artists," the producer says. "The live show is simply amazing. [Diamond's 1972 double-album] `Hot August Night' is probably my favorite live album. He's got better songs on it than [The Who's] `Live at Leeds.'" (emphasis added by moi)

I've got nothing against Neil Diamond, but now I've got something against Rick Rubin. I think bong resin from his days producing the Beastie Boys has clouded his thought process.

UPDATE: Jeff read this post and declares his allegiance with Rubin on the subject. To each his own, I still disagree with both of them.